This is not written for anyone else, but I'm still going to post publicly in case anyone picks up a tip or two:
- Look at her face before you stare at her belly!- I can't tell you how many times this happened to me and I know I've done this to other prego's without realizing just how bad it is. Respect mommy - she deserves it! This is one thing I am really going to try and change!
- It's okay to ask her how she feels physically, but why not just check on her as a whole person? One of my biggest life savers during this pregnancy was having a few friends who didn't have either children or spouses. They encouraged me in my decision to expand my family, but because of the nature of the relationship I often didn't want the conversation to be all about me and it kept me balanced and concerned for my friends, what was going on in the world and in their world too. I'm not sure it's always 100% healthy to be sucked in the world of mommy-hood.
- Trust the mommy you know she'll be... Does your friend have a good track record of being a fairly well rounded individual? If yes, trust her! If she has a history of making good solid decisions in her own life then it's likely she'll carry out good sound decisions for her child even if it doesn't happen when you think it should or her decision is different from what you would do. Remember, each mommy and child are different. Let mommy figure out what will work best for her family. I received an awful lot of advice during this pregnancy and a lot of it I gleaned from. But it was everything from names, circumcision opinions, whether or not to find out gender of my baby, which pediatrician to go to, why natural childbirth is best, why drugs aren't so bad, why someone would rather have a c-section, and how someone felt robbed when they did have a c-section. And let's not forget the questions I was asked: "Are you really going to use those crazy cloth diapers? You're going to breastfeed, who has time for that?" Remember, whether the advice your giving is solicited or not you are not the only person giving advice. There are likely 10 more people giving advice and at some point mommy has to stop the noise. Please, support her in that.
You will continue to receive advice for many years to come. Take some of it and run with it. Some peoples advice will save you. Then take some people's advice as a grain of salt. It will only discourage you.
ReplyDeleteBeing a mom is hard work and we all need the help of God! God will help you and his ways are the best! Stay close to Him and then you will do great! The most important relationship you have is with God.
By the way I agree with your post. Good thoughts.
ReplyDeleteEat the chicken spit out the bones..... And yes, the advice will never stop. Personally, I was almost glad when it started all...... after we adopted. That is still better than standing on the outskirt for 21 years and having to adjust to my reality of normal. You are right,there are so many ways of living "family"..... :-) Have fun with it!!! :-) Love you, Hugs.
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