Little man, I'm glad you're here!

Well, it's been 5 weeks since we had Tejay. And, I am finally feeling a bit normal.

Our little guy, Tejay, gave us a bit of scare when he was born.  During our delivery, Tejay's heart rate dropped pretty low due to me having a short umbilical cord. Unfortunately, or maybe I should say fortunately, I had to have an emergency c-section. (I hadn't heard of a situation like that before but if you want to read about a similar story click here. )

I really didn't want a c-section from the beginning. And, I was not prepared for how it would impact me physically and emotionally. I really can understand how women grieve that they had to have a c-section. In many ways, it feels like you are being robbed of those first moments with your child mostly because you are so drugged up. And, the saying that you don't remember the pain or the situation of  what you went through is erased the moment you see your child wasn't really true for me. Is it bad for me to be that honest?

When Tejay was brought to me, I was so medicated that I could barely open my eyes. It was a sad moment for me as I wanted to see him so bad but couldn't. I wanted to hold him but that opportunity wasn't there at first.

I didn't have a birthing plan or some grand idea of what I wanted... but I did want to have my husband and my friend Patty in the room because I'm not so great with the medical aspect of things and I didn't want to be alone. After Tejay was born they had Kelly in the nursery and Patty wasn't allowed in the operating room. There I was alone! I remember asking, "can someone go get my support person?" I had to ask several times... By the time I got to the recovery room I had my friend Patty there. Kelly was still with Tejay.... then sometime later, Patty had insisted that the nurses bring Tejay to me. They weren't planning on it. I'm so thankful I had an advocate on my behalf... I can't explain how drugged up I was but they had to wake me up to hold Tejay and even then my eyes were so heavy!

I do remember our little man was crying and as soon as I said, "Hi Tejay,  hi little man, it's mama." He immediately quieted down. I was surprised how he knew it was me so quickly. We had a few moments of alone time and then it was about 6 hours without him. I just carried the little guy for 9 months! 6 hours without him was a long time for the first time!!!

In retrospect, I'm grateful for my surgeon and his decision even though it wasn't ideal. The reality is we could have lost him - he gave the medical staff quite a scare and I can't imagine what could have happened. So maybe the delivery wasn't ideal... and the recovery hasn't been that easy either. But, the past 2 weeks I've definitely felt like I'm recovering quickly and the bonding and love continues... So to my little man, please don't give us a scare like that again! I want you around for a long time!

Mama loves you!