Pops...

Do you ever stop grieving the loss of someone? I think not. Though, I do think the grief is different and definitely lessens with time. I can't imagine anyone carrying that first stage of grief with them all their life.

Within the last year, I've missed my dad so much. And, it saddens me that at times I don't know if I'm missing him more of if I'm really missing the fact that he hasn't seen the transformation of my life now. That seems incredibly selfish. I often think, "I wonder if he would have been proud. I bet he would have liked Kelly. I wonder_________."

However, I rarely think "I wonder what he'd be doing in life now." My dad was such an awesome guy. Quiet. But, when he spoke his words were filled with wisdom. He had such a great sense of humor. He'd often pull out these one liners when you'd least expect it.

He was the type of person that would admit his mistakes even if he stumbled in communicating them. He was extremely generous, kind and loving. He was a devoted follower of Christ.


At his memorial service I asked that we play the song "Man of God". Here's a piece from it below.

“I hope they will say of me that I loved my children and wife. Most of all I hope they say, I loved Jesus more than life. So when I’m laid to rest; life’s journey I have trod, I hope my children will say of me, ‘Dad was a man of God!’

“I hope they say of me, my words were gentle and kind; Most of all I hope to leave, a life of truth behind. So when I’m laid to rest, life’s journey I have trod. I hope they will say of me, ‘Here lies a man of God!’ Oh to be a man of God, nothing more, nothing less. It’s not what I did or did not do; But why I did it…and for Who.”

This weekend is his birthday. I always celebrate in some sort of fashion by doing some random act of kindness for someone but I haven't decided what... for some reason it's harder to think of what I want to do this year. Maybe if I just keep remembering all his wonderful qualities my idea will come.

I miss you daddy!